My day started at 4:00 this morning. i’m so tired. It feels good to have the house quiet and the boys asleep. It feels too good to go to sleep, and since you haven’t given me a bedtime for tonight…
i really got a lot of chores done this morning. Tomorrow will be a fairly light chore-day, but the ex is stopping by around 8:00AM to bring the 19yo’s dresser, and the hangers she left at his house. Since the 17yo is spending a rare night with him tonight, i don’t have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow (if the boys will let me sleep in, that is). i think that’s all i have going on tomorrow, Sir. i am going to put a ham in the slow cooker, and i might do some baking (since it’s not supposed to get above 73 degrees tomorrow).
As you know, i asked for some advice on FetLife today about self-talk and mantras. i’m really trying to find ways to bring my focus around on a more consistent basis. i got some really good ideas. What i never expected to get was people telling me i couldn’t be a slave if my focus drifted from time to time. Oy. People. They kill me. i hate to make assumptions, but my guess is that the people who made the biggest deals about how slaves always feel like slaves… maybe, possibly… never get out from in front of the computer to Do What It Is That We Do. Ya know? i dunno.
i know i sure had some crazy-ass Castle Realms type ideas of how things should be back when i was brand-spanking new. Get it? Brand-spanking-new? Heh. Anyway. Maybe i sounded just that dumb, too.
On a completely different note, my dad is making me insane. He’s taken to growling and groaning at the top of his lungs if there’s a lull in the conversation. i finally asked him today “why?”, and i asked him if he was in pain, or if he needed something… No. He said it just helps. It helps. He sat at the kitchen table while i made dinner, and read all of his mail OUT LOUD to me. Seriously. He even read the junk mail to me. i swear i can’t even get a moment to think. The kids aren’t even half that annoying.
It felt really good to get so much stuff done today. Dinner was a hit. i felt really good about making some strides toward improving my head-space.
i used to feel like my head-space was your job. You know? You certainly do a faster, better, more efficient job of putting me into proper head-space (when you choose to) than i do. But, maybe i can get better at it myself. My perception is my reality. It would be a lot easier if i wasn’t pulled in a dozen different directions all day, every day… or if you worked close to home and could come home each night. That’s not my truth though, and i need to find a way to grow where i’m planted. i welcome and appreciate any help you’d like to give me. i could sure use it, but i don’t think it’s your responsibility to do it for me.
Ohmygoodness i’m tired. Okay. i think i included everything you wanted to see (including the bit about how my day looks for tomorrow). Oh! i didn’t start on Duma Key, but i did everything else on the list. i love you. i miss you. Mondays suck.
