1. Something i wish i could have shared with you today: The boys are getting so freaking cute with this whole talking-to-each-other thing. i love it. They made me laugh so many times. Things The Two would never say to us (full sentences, even) he says with ease to The One.
2. The most important (defining) thing that happened to me today: Finding out that L is going to move up here with us after all. i guess my ex is even talking about moving up here himself much more seriously.
3. The song that’s been stuck in my head all day long today: There really wasn’t any one song. (do you really want this in my daily entry, Sir? i’m not very song-stuck-in-head-y.)
4. Something that exasperated me today: The 1YO. Period. He didn’t sleep enough, and therefore i didn’t sleep enough and we were both cranky. He even had two naps (i had zero naps) and he was STILL a big crank.
5. Today’s overall rating 1-10: Today was about a 7.
6. Brain Dump:
Sometimes i wonder if it really was easier to be sleep deprived when i was young and had the girls. Maybe i just don’t recall anymore. i mean, it’s been 17 years since the youngest girl child was born. Maybe my memory is faulty. All i know is that some mornings i am completely certain that i am too old for this crap.
i don’t do sleep deprived very well.
i spent some time today considering humiliation. i wonder what the connection (if there is one) is between humiliation and being more humble. i wonder if working with humiliation (meaning spending some time being/feeling humiliated) would help me with my pride issue. i’d like to be able to derive my self esteem from my job as your slave. i don’t think i can do that with my current ego.
i’m not talking about ego like i think i have this big ego or anything. i mean my ego as in my id, my identity,and how i define myself as a person. i think i have too much person ego and not enough slave ego. There seems to be a lesson in humility in there somewhere and i can’t help but wonder if there is some training that might rectify it sooner rather than later. i need all the help i can get.
i did use my bamboo mantra today. It was in an effort to keep my cool during times of stress (read: while the 1YO yelled his ass off today). i do think that will help if i can ingrain it in myself enough. i need to make it a habit. i’d like it to become reflexive. Under stress? Repeat my mantra.
Actually, there are a lot of behaviors i’d like to have become reflexive. Maybe we can find some time to discuss that this weekend, ’cause that would rock. i’ve missed you so much.
