1. Something i was glad to have shared with you today: i really enjoyed eating simple Mickey D’s with you for lunch today after the haircut and the nose piercing. It was nice to have those things over and done with, and i loved just having that time alone with you with nothing but us to focus on. We get that so rarely.
2. The most important (defining) thing that happened to me today: i guess there were a few times today that i really felt my age. Showing the funky-’do to the barely 20-something ‘hair designer’ and ending up with a toned-down version mom-’do was an age defining moment. 
3. The song that’s been stuck in my head today: Play Some Country.
4. Something that exasperated me today: The 1YO waking up after only half-an-hour of his nap (while you were napping today). i’d had some hopes of a quiet hour, and instead i ended up dealing with a cranky baby all afternoon.
5. An overall rating of my day today 1-10: Today was a 9. i had a wonderful time out with you today. i like my new cut, even if it is more momish than i’d hoped. i love my nose stud and i’m glad that it went so easy (and hasn’t hurt at all today). It was a really good day.
6. Brain Dump:
Everything is harder when you’re not getting enough sleep. i really love sleep. i love getting into bed all scrubbed, slipping between fresh sheets, getting comfortable on the warm waterbed, and passing out like a dead person. i love it. i miss it so, so bad.
i think, of all the things the babies have placed on-hold in our lives, that the sleep-thing is the hardest one for me to deal with. i’m so sorry that the 1YO wouldn’t sleep last night. i’m so sorry that even Cam, who at 17 shouldn’t need her mommy in the middle of the night, needed me at 2-freakin’-A.M. i’m sorry that you didn’t have me get up this morning with the boys (who couldn’t even manage a late morning after that late-ass night). i feel so guilty. i think you needed the sleep more than i did.
Today was interesting. The first time you ever took me to get my hair cut (do you remember that? It was about four and a half years ago, i think) i don’t think i got a word in edgewise. You did all the talking to my stylist. She’d been my stylist for almost ten years, and i’m sure she was shitting bricks at this dude coming in and telling her how to cut my hair. It was so awkward for me.
Today i was kind of expecting the same thing. i was very surprised when you let me do the talking. Granted, we had a photo and so there wasn’t much more to be said, but i was surprised. It was nice having you there, watching and keeping an eye on things. Even though you didn’t say much, i still felt owned and protected. i loved it.
i’m glad the nose piercing went so easy! It was so much nicer this time with the needle than it was when i had it done with the gun. i just do better without the loud noise. Stuff like piercings and tattoos are so addicting to me. i love my slave symbol tattoo. i’d love to think of something else that would be fitting. You had spoken a couple of years ago about having me get a tat on my ring finger. That would be cool. i wonder if there is a way to write “Owned” in script in such a way that it would look like a ring going across my finger.
i love tattoo parlors.
Half an hour out of the shower and my hair is already dry. Day-am! It’s so short. Last night when you were riding me from behind and pulling my hair, i was worried that you might regret the short hair. It’s been SO long for a long, long time.
i should never have worried last night about you being too tired to punish me. You were as good as your word. i have a love-hate relationship with those vampire gloves. You were a lot kinder on me this time than you were last time. i appreciate that you cut me some slack for fessing up to staying up past my bedtime. This bedtime thing is for the birds. Um.. Sir. Heh. 
But, i promise i’ll go to bed when you tell me to from now on. Sometimes i just feel like the only minutes i have to myself are those few stolen when everyone else is asleep, and i should be too. But, i will trust that you have good reasons for whatever bedtime you give me and i will obey.
Already this weekend is taking on a life of its own – what with L coming for a visit tomorrow and staying the night. i miss her, and i’m glad she’s coming, but there goes an evening and a morning that had previously been open to possibilities. i guess it would be bad form to have her come to visit and then ask her to watch the boys so we could go on a date. Gah. She has to be back in the valley Sunday for an improv workshop she’s required to attend. i guess we’ll just have her from dinner Saturday until breakfast Sunday.
And then Monday it starts all over again. i already miss you, just thinking about it.
i feel like i’m adjusting better to the new regime. i can see a lot of ways that my service has slipped, and that frustrates me. There are so many simple things i could be doing that would make a vast improvement. i have gotten out of the habit of service. i could cast blame all over the place, but the plain truth is that when we severed our D/s relationship it was a simple way to make a statement about the change in management. Sort of like “You’re not my Master and you can get your own damned drink” – that kind of thing. i had so much anger about how things had fallen apart, and i was expressing it in the only ways available to me.
Now, the habit is just not there. i DO have a lot on my mind all the time, and its easy to forget to put you first, and all the ways that i used to do just that as a matter of course. i’m not sure how to fix it, but now that i don’t feel like crying all the time, i would like to fix it. Maybe we could talk about the niceties of service that you enjoyed the most, and make those into rules? i don’t want to put too much work onto you about this, but i’m not sure i CAN remember without some help – even if it’s just a gentle reminder (or a hard-ass punishment – whatever works for you).
Ugh. i’m getting too tired to be coherent. i adore you. Thank you for this time to myself this evening. i may open a magazine or i may nap until you come get me. i love you. Thank you for today. It was a terrific treat, and i felt very spoiled and loved. Thank you, Sir.
