More pain again last night. i didn’t get a chance to mention the pain session the night before last, but we’re three for three his last few nights home. Again, i find myself wishing he didn’t work out of town. i miss having him home every single night.
As with most pain sessions we have, the details of what happened are fuzzy in my mind. i think he started with clamps all along my labia. He left those there while he worked me over with an assortment of canes – my thighs, groin, breasts, and then back to my thighs because that hurt the most.
i tried not to jump, because that caused him to focus his attentions on the area i favored. i love and hate that. i love the sadistic side to him, but at the time i hate it. i always love it most in retrospect.
The camps he was using on me were regular, brightly-colored, kitchen clamps with tiny non-slip grooves on the ‘business’ end. By the time he removed them from my freshly shaved hoochie it felt like skin was coming off along with them. It wasn’t, but the thought was so strong in my mind that i couldn’t let go of it. Would you like a little mind-fuck with your pain? Oh yes… yes i would.
He held me down as he went down on me, too. He had clamps on my breasts and he held my legs spread wide. He fell on me like a starving man on a steak. It was amazing. A long time later he brought out the vibrator, and then the sex.
Afterward he asked what had hurt the most, and i answered honestly “Your cock”. i felt battered and bruised. Some of it was residual from the night before, and the cumulative effect was hard to ignore. He’s just blessed that way. i was so swollen afterward that i doubt i could have fit a finger inside of me. He was very pleased.
Before we went to sleep he told me that even if my mind wasn’t 100% sure about things, my body knew what it wanted. i guess that’s true. My body wants him in charge; using me, abusing me, hurting me. My body wants to serve him. My body doesn’t care that my head has doubts and angst.
My head does feel like it’s in a better place this morning. i still feel emotional though. He told me he would give me a mantra, but i don’t think we’ve had the time to discuss it yet. Maybe that would help. Just typing that makes my anxiety levels rise. Maybe i’m worried that he won’t do what he says. Maybe i’m worried that he will, but i’ll be too stubborn to bend anyway. i’ve never found it so hard to submit before.
