1. Something i was glad to have shared with you today: i had fun shopping with you and the boys today. i’m glad that you decided we could all go. i’ve missed you.
2. The most important (defining) thing that happened to me today: Getting some of the mechanics of things settled. i feel a lot less stress now that i have a better idea of what you want me to do while you’re here with regards to chores and things.
3. The song that’s been stuck in my head today: i was humming something while we were shopping today, and for the life of me i can’t recall what it was. Now i have that dorky handlebars song stuck in my head.
4. Something that exasperated me today: i’m still feeling pretty put out about being so off kilter with all the changes.
5. Today’s overall rating 1-10: Today was about a 6.5. i wish i could shake these grumps.
6. Brain Dump:
i feel so disgruntled. i’m kind of anxious to get my hair cut, but i have this feeling that i’ll immediately regret it.
i’d hoped that starting that first Gor book would help get me into the groove, but i wasn’t even able to read a single word of it today. i did take it off my to-read pile. i debated between that book and the third Kushiel’s book. i figured the Norman would be a much quicker read. You know. If i ever get to read.
i’m sorry that i’m struggling. Why is it so hard to give in to what i want? i guess i got more used to vanilla over these past three and a half months than i ever suspected, because this has been really difficult. Shaving helped. That has always been such a submissive chore for me, and it kept me in the right headspace for a while. i just feel like a worm in hot ashes. i want it to be easy – like it was when we first started this journey (has it been five years now?). i was so ready to obey, to please you, to serve, and to be used. i didn’t think so much about what i wanted, and i didn’t second guess you. i guess there’s too much water under the bridge to be able to recapture that mindset, but i would like to think that i could still be a good slave to you.
Hookay. It’s late.
